The Lie I Told Myself
From my early school years, through my teens and even into my young adulthood I told myself a dangerous, boldface lie. That lie held me back for years. It hindered my growth. It squashed my creativity. It kept me from being my full self.
Like many young children, I loved art projects, dancing, singing, and all other creative activities.
In school I enjoyed all my studies. I liked art, but I also enjoyed science.
I remember once entered middle school my mentality shifted. As my hormones kicked in to alter my body, insecurity made its home in my psyche. I told myself that I was not an artist.
Left Brained, Right Brained?
You’ve probably heard of the right brain versus left brain dichotomy. Right brain dominant people express a knack for creativity, intuition, and emotional intelligence. Left brainers think logically, did well with numbers and had an analytic mind. Whatever part of your brain is “dominant” is where your talents lived. Conversely, you’d expect yourself to do poorly with matters of the other half of the brain. For example a “right brainer” would do well with art, but fare poorly in science.
I remember learning about the whole left brain, right brain pseudoscience (which in retrospect is totally bogus) and deciding that I can’t be both. I couldn’t be a creative, artsy right brain person while also being a logical science and math loving left brained nerd.
In school my best subjects were science and math. While I enjoyed art, English, and music classes, my grades reflected that I did better crunching numbers and writing lab reports. I let the grading system decide who I was based on the black and white thinking I somehow engraved into my definition of self.
I locked away an important part of myself
I grew incredibly insecure about the art I loved at the time, which included drawing and writing. Because I held that false belief about only being this or that, I locked away a vital part of myself.
I ceased to draw. The only creative writing I made I did for a grade. I focused on what I thought were my only strengths and pursued a career path entirely based on that. From middle school until half way through college I repressed my creative self.
I told myself I “sucked” at art. I knew some part of me was missing during that time, but I wouldn’t let the lie go. There were many factors, but my mentality of “I suck at____” played a major role in my teenage depression.
Freshman Year of College
Fast forward to college where I enter as a biochem major. At this point I have not found who I am and I do not know what to do with my entire life. And I’m panicked. I chose a major based on what I thought was the “smartest” choice. A science degree would land me a high paying job and I’d probably be good at it since I’m left brained.
I was so wrong.
All through high school I prepared myself with high level science and math courses. It baffled me that when I entered college to pursue that path, I felt so deeply unsatisfied. I knew the course work would challenge me, but I felt so incomplete. While I loved science, I just didn’t want a career in it.
A Change of Direction
So then I had to find a new major. My early sophomore year I attended a majors fair at my University.
To my surprise, the Communication major drew my eye. In particular it was a program under the umbrella of Communication called Social Media and Public Engagement. But it wasn’t “left brained” enough. It felt too creative, and not science-y. Plus, how could I possibly make money with a communication degree?
By a leap of faith I did it anyways. I became a Comm major and a digital media minor. Still didn’t know what I wanted to do (and still don’t today, honestly), but I followed my gut.
As I delved into the major and my minor, I slowly shed the layers of repression I put on the creative Becca. As she grew and blossomed, I felt fuller, more enriched. I discovered a part of myself left dormant for seven plus years.
I discovered the joy in creating.
Pictured above: My favorite class I ever took. We created a student film festival. I got to be in charge of making the marketing material. Plus I added an awkward photo of my fiance Corbin and I attending the event. 🙂
Today I firmly believe it is important for everyone to have at least one creative hobby. You don’t even have to be “good” at it. As long as you have a creative outlet your mental health will thank you.
We are all creatives in some manner. They debunked the left brain, right brain myth. You can be a logical, organized, precise person who also possesses a beautiful mind and a connection to their intuition. Science geeks like myself can also create work of art.
I don’t know why I let myself believe that. Whatever the reason, I’m so glad for where I am at today.
It’s been a journey, and it ain’t close to over yet. At least I know now that life is how you create it.
I love writing. It provides mental clarity for me as well as reduces stress and improves my mood. You can read more about some benefits to creating from another article of mine here.
Becca Creates a Blog
For the last two years I have wanted to either work for a magazine or write one myself. After countless hours of research I discovered blogging and the similarities and differences between blogging and e-magazines. This blog is my space to create, learn myself, and share value to a community.
I developed the belief that life is what you create it to be, at least to a certain extent. We all are dealt certain cards in our life. Many are born with privileges others do not have, and vice versa. That said, I believe we all can shape our lives and create better ones for ourselves.
Becca Creates is about creating happiness, creating the best life we can, creating mindfulness, creating art, creating stability, creating financial freedom, creating organized spaces, creating a positive routine, and I could list on forever. Anything you can create, I’ll eventually blog about. 🙂
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Thanks so much again.